Festering Headstuff

The funny thing about the Internet is that there is so much we share but still so much that doesn’t come through in pictures or words.  See, y’all probably don’t know that I have a tic.  In my right cheek.  It gets really bad when I am stressed or anxious or upset.
It’s going like crazy [...]

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Out Damn…Spot?

So, you know, it’s like catharsis already, man. I have never felt so unable to get shit out in my entire life.  It’s all balling up in my stomach, all of the fear and, well, fear.  It’s like writer’s block only it covers absolutely everything.
I’ve been art journaling for the past few weeks.  Painting with [...]

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Disoriented

A day in the PICU is singularly surreal.  The people there are all friendly, and aside from the kid that died the night before, it’s a remarkably calm place.  You see mostly the same people and after the second day, you start to say hello and maybe one of the other parents comes to see [...]

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6 Days

I am hesitant to write anything about our pre-admissions visit yesterday.  On one hand, it’s a little “look at me, feel sorry for me” even for my attention-grubbing self.  On the other, kids have surgery every day and when it’s your kid who is having surgery, there’s little more comforting that remembering that fact.  And [...]

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I don’t think there’s a title for this

I’ve been avoiding the entire process of writing.  Even in my classes where I am required to write, I just sort of put my head down and ram some words through.  It isn’t pretty, but I seem to be getting my points across so maybe it’s just not a pretty time.
It doesn’t feel very pretty [...]

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Feeling

I’m sitting here and I feel like I should write something but it isn’t coming easily.  For one thing, there is this underlying layer of a word pulsing in my head–heart…heart…heart…that doesn’t go away.  Second, there are these kids who need Mommy Mommy Mommy, a second layer of head noise.  Third, there are the things [...]

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Waiting

I’m waiting for the man super of the building to come and look at the shower.   I am no longer waiting to find out if we can go to CSA pick-up (baby’s asleep).  I am waiting for the All-Star Game (tho I am not sure why…)  I am waiting to find out if Chico wakes [...]

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Gratitude

I have recently come upon BlissChick whose words never fail to give me something to think about as I’m carrying on this process of trying to make myself happy.  This morning is no exception, and is cosmically timely, as I have reentered therapy, this time able to admit that I am depressed and that I [...]

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Eat your salad before your hot dog

Don’t get me wrong, I love a good salad.  It’s just hard to acclimate the tastes to greenery after horking down a dawg.  It was, aside from the buns, carrots and celery, a local feast.  Lettuce mix, kohlrabi, scapes from the CSA plus the aforementioned carrots and celery.  I absolutely adore kohlrabi.  I am even [...]

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Today is the First Day….

Of the rest of the summer.  And it is pouring.  Not that I bemoan the lack of blistering heat, mind.  I just wanted to get out of the house for a couple of hours today until I woke up to the sound of sloshy-sloshy. Yes, I’m a wimp like that.
We celebrated the last day of [...]

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