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Archive for July 4th, 2008

I haven’t felt much like writing lately. I think I mentioned before being suddenly into the drawing thing, which happens offline and blissfully without wondering/worrying who is looking. I haven’t found myself as comfortable with words as I usually am, and that discomfort has caused me to be especially sensitive about what I try to say, both in real life and, more especially, here. I just haven’t wanted the pressure of trying to explain myself. With drawing, especially the way I do it, I can be freeform and abstract and childish and what-have-you without worrying that I might lose one of the few readers I have. It sucks watching stats and seeing a familiar IP stop coming, and as much as I know I stop reading blogs for a host of reasons, it always strikes me that when someone stops reading me, it’s because of me.

Anyway, I was leaving a comment a few minutes ago wherein I said that I hoped this blog wouldn’t be my Magnum Opus. It shocked me to realize that I have been approaching blogging here with a pretty narrow view. As in, I like to think that I blog to get things out, to hash out ideas, as writing practice. In reality, it has become The Thing I Do. Don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t become a chore, or a burden. I just don’t like how I’ve come to view it.

Blogging isn’t my job and I don’t want it to be my job. It’s where I come to write, which is something I’ve loved to do on and off for as long as I’ve had words in my head and the ability to put them together. The problem is, this is all the writing I do. I don’t work on anything else anymore. And I have the sneaking suspicion that a lot of why I write here is because I love the almost-instant feedback.

I started blogging back in 2000.  I started as much because I wanted a link to put in my messageboard signature as anything else.  I moved from Diaryland to Livejournal in 2001, and then on to Blogger and finally here at WordPress back in ’06.  I’ve met a load of neat folks both in the parent sphere and in the environmental sphere, and I really enjoy the interaction I have with everyone.  I’m lucky; I haven’t had to deal with in-fighting or trolling or any of the nastiness that is out there and that many of you have had to deal with.  If I had, I don’t think I’d still be putting myself out here in such a public way.

It’s the best thing about having a small readership; the more of an impact your voice has, the more people feel they have the right to tear you down.  For now, I’m going to try to focus on writing just for me and not worrying so much about who is or isn’t reading because in the long run, it’s just another blog.

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