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Archive for the ‘It’s Educational!’ Category

Wow, hey, it’s been over a month since I last poured out my soul and neuroses here, eh?  I’d love to say that it’s because I’ve been sailing smoothly through life but alas, it’s mostly that I’ve grown weary of always having shit to bitch about and/or analyze.  Well, that and my brain and expository writing have not so much been friends recently.

So, Jen, what’s been going on?

I am 8 days from the end of the semester.  I have drafted 4 of my5 papers (thus far 29 pages of writing with another 7 to go…), shuddered at the sight of one of my two exams, and started reviewing for the second.  I have one paper due Sunday, one Monday, an exam Monday, an exam due Wednesday, two papers due next Friday and one due next Saturday.  I have completed my board postings and readings, and have had anxiety attacks from noon to 3 pm every day for close to a month.  I no longer get any sense of accomplishment at finishing tasks because there is always.something.else.  It’s sort of sucky.

In addition to the massive school thread, I decided back in October to do some editing of old poems.  So I messed around, rewrote, condensed, and then this past week I sent some out to various poetry contests on the theory that they aren’t doing me any good sitting on my hard drive and if nothing else, I really like having people read my writing, even if I have to pay them to do it.  I’m not all ‘I’m gonna WIN!’ or anything but I have at least gotten back to the point where I feel like I can write poetry that doesn’t suck.  That feels nice, honestly–it’s been a long time since I’ve tried to write creatively and I was starting to feel like maybe I’d been kidding myself that I could do it.

I have also been doing the visual arts thing from time to time, or at least playing around with it.  It turns out that, like my poetry, I like the pictures I draw.  Who knew?  And I like to paint, and I like to have ideas, and it’s pretty cool.

I have not played my dholak at all though.  I will.  Just not yet.

Otherwise, I am trying to keep my head from flying off of my body, trying to deal with the daily anxiety, trying to remember that I am really going to finish all of my work for the semester and am going to do it well, and trying to remember that my head *cannot actually* go flying off of my body even if it *feels like* I can’t keep it on.

And I’m excited about the holidays even though we don’t have a tree yet and the Halloween decorations are still up and I haven’t a clue when, how, or what I’m going to do about gifting this year.  I still can’t believe it’s December already.  I do think that we’re doing a Solstice something this year, Lucy and I.  I’ll come up with something.

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There was a whole big long entry here that must’ve been eaten.  That really sucks.

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Seriously, trying to write with two maniac children directly behind me is trying my ability to concentrate.

Last night was filled with those dreams that straddle reality and not-reality.  At one point I woke up panic-stricken that the dress I got for the wedding we’re attending next weekend is…unsuitable.  The husband assures me it is cute but I tend to not trust his opinion in such matters for, although he has an excellent eye when it comes to esthetics, he tends to see things as ‘cute’ that are more ‘frumpy’ or ‘lumpy’ when it comes to me.  Namely my big ole babygut.  I may be hauling out to Marshalls today in search of something less clingy (or clingy in better places) that is also breastfeedable.  No wait, that sounds wrong.  Something in which I can breastfeed.

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My monstrous to-do list for the break is, mercifully, commensurate to the time left in my break.  Meaning, I will actually manage to get everything crossed off in time to start classes tomorrow.  This pleases me greatly.  More importantly, I did not leave until the last minute those tasks I was most dreading, which means that today will not suck.  There will be planting and organizing in the kids’ room and shredding and perhaps a decoupage project if I am feeling crafty.

Which I’m really not right now.

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I am very excited about sending Lucy back to school tomorrow my classes starting.  I will probably be less excited come tomorrow night when I have assignments and reading and stuff, but at the moment I’m going to bask in the anticipation.

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I have officially been done with my classes since 2:03 pm on Saturday.  Not that I was counting or anything.  Let the partying commence!

By partying I mean organizing.  I am proud to say that I will be using my day of childcare to dig through last years’ summer stuff and (hopefully) pack up a ton to dispose of.  I am also hoping to tackle the crap on the balcony so that we can start to enjoy it again.  Maybe a bit ambitious but what the hell.  I realized yesterday that I have to get some place set up where I can enjoy quasi-nature and our balcony has the potential to be a nice little oasis if I can just get stuff planted and st up out there.  I only say this every year and never do it.  I’m going to clean this keyboard too; it’s really gross.

Maybe I’ll try to get one room of the house organized every day until my classes start up again.  See, Party!

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In no particular order:

  • Finished both exams and two of the three final papers, including the one for extra credit I couldn’t bring myself to blow off.  It still needs editing but what the hell, it’s extra credit.
  • Did quite well on botany exam, not as well on lab exam but I’m still pretty happy.  I really learned a lot in those classes and my interest in herbal medicine has been re-piqued (is that a word?)
  • Teas!  One of the mothers from Lucy’s school gave me some chrysanthemum tea and it is heavenly.  I forgot how good tea is when it’s good quality.   I of course went crazy and ordered a handful of other types–lychee, rose, jasmine oolong and jasmine green tea.  I tried the rose tea last night and it is absolutely divine.  What a  nice treat for myself!  I am so over grocery store teas 😛
  • I cannot wait for the semester to be over.  Seriously, this week has been exhausting and I’m not even that stressed out.
  • Rain can suck it.

Ok, that’s enough slacking.  Send good paper-writing vibes.

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Yeah, the catharsis of telling my business on the internet has been surpassed by the catharsis of a good sleep.  I can’t lie.

The past few weeks have been a journey of getting to know myself, trying to look honestly at my strengths and weaknesses, and all sorts of other psychobabble-esque crap.  Also, I’ve discovered that sometimes talking to myself in my head is more helpful than talking to myself here.  Just sayin’.  It was interesting to realize that I do so much writing for my classes that I don’t so much need the blawg to get stuff out of my head.

So yes, the past few weeks…trying to get outside, walking with the baby, breathing in what passes for fresh air in the flight path of La Guardia.  Spent an excellent day with mizz Luce at the botanical garden learning an eentsy bit of foraging, how to make seed bombs and compost cookies and cleaning up at the flea market.  I discovered I not only love Jerusalem artichokes but they grow in containers so there’s that for an upcoming project.  Once I finish finals and fun-reading, that is.

The boy is tearing up the vocabulary these days, keeping us on our toes trying to figure out if he is saying ‘no’ (nose), ‘no’ (nurse) or ‘no’ (stop it).  He rolls his r’s when he says ‘draw’, says ‘coo’ instead of school, andwhen he gets into batting stance, he says ‘guy’ (looks like he’s a lefty).  If you’re watching tv, he asks to put on baseball (tee?  bayball?’) and not only does he have a batting stance complete with follow-through, he has a leg kick he uses when he (‘whoa’ a la Joey Lawrence) throws the ball.

The girl has taken to writing books and is better than her mom at use of adjectives.  She has created a Crusader’s Club (for the Earth) and a spy club.  The latter is a bit of a disappointment for her as I put the ixnay on hosting her entire class for a spy club meeting.  I think mostly she likes the idea of wearing a disguise.

For the end of the semester, I have 3 papers, 2 finals and 15 questions of varying complexity to answer in three different classes.  Oh, and 100 pages of a book to read before I can answer 6 of the questions and do one of the papers.  I am not a happy bee right about now but it will feel damn good when I am finished next week.  Wish me luck.  Or sanity.  Or both.

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One of my assignments for this week was to write a one-scene continuation of the Glass Menagerie.  It ended up with a happy ending.  I gave a happy ending to Tennessee Williams.  This is a clear indicator that I have reached pessimism overload.  It didn’t start out happy but that’s sure as hell where it ended up.  WTF?  I am so not a happy ending sort of person.

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As I was waiting for my yearly exam with my midwife, standing in the gown rewriting my history midterm essay on the counter next to the swabs and speculum, I realized that I may have gotten myself in over my head every-so-slightly this semester.  Four classes is definitely too many.  Or more specifically, four classes and two children is too many.  It’ll be ok and I’ll make it through–this isn’t one of those angsty freakouts–but in the future I must remember that school is a lot of work, kids are a lot of work, and the two together are massive.  Fun, but massive.

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Sprouts are still sprouting.  Flowers blooming.  Geranium plant has taken over the entire window-area and needs desperately to be repotted.  Next week, if all goes well, I’ll be planting my pickling cukes, nasturtium and marigolds.  How’s that for Spring Break?  Don’t worry, I’ll flash my tits at the worms or something.

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Late to the party as always, I just discovered both Regina Spektor and Feist.  Is there anyone else I should be listening to?  I’m trying to listen to mostly women artists for a while so I’m back in the Ani-Indigo Girls-Etta James groove but am always looking for more.  I feel a playlist coming on as soon as I get through midterms.

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