Wow, hey, it’s been over a month since I last poured out my soul and neuroses here, eh? I’d love to say that it’s because I’ve been sailing smoothly through life but alas, it’s mostly that I’ve grown weary of always having shit to bitch about and/or analyze. Well, that and my brain and expository writing have not so much been friends recently.
So, Jen, what’s been going on?
I am 8 days from the end of the semester. I have drafted 4 of my5 papers (thus far 29 pages of writing with another 7 to go…), shuddered at the sight of one of my two exams, and started reviewing for the second. I have one paper due Sunday, one Monday, an exam Monday, an exam due Wednesday, two papers due next Friday and one due next Saturday. I have completed my board postings and readings, and have had anxiety attacks from noon to 3 pm every day for close to a month. I no longer get any sense of accomplishment at finishing tasks because there is always.something.else. It’s sort of sucky.
In addition to the massive school thread, I decided back in October to do some editing of old poems. So I messed around, rewrote, condensed, and then this past week I sent some out to various poetry contests on the theory that they aren’t doing me any good sitting on my hard drive and if nothing else, I really like having people read my writing, even if I have to pay them to do it. I’m not all ‘I’m gonna WIN!’ or anything but I have at least gotten back to the point where I feel like I can write poetry that doesn’t suck. That feels nice, honestly–it’s been a long time since I’ve tried to write creatively and I was starting to feel like maybe I’d been kidding myself that I could do it.
I have also been doing the visual arts thing from time to time, or at least playing around with it. It turns out that, like my poetry, I like the pictures I draw. Who knew? And I like to paint, and I like to have ideas, and it’s pretty cool.
I have not played my dholak at all though. I will. Just not yet.
Otherwise, I am trying to keep my head from flying off of my body, trying to deal with the daily anxiety, trying to remember that I am really going to finish all of my work for the semester and am going to do it well, and trying to remember that my head *cannot actually* go flying off of my body even if it *feels like* I can’t keep it on.
And I’m excited about the holidays even though we don’t have a tree yet and the Halloween decorations are still up and I haven’t a clue when, how, or what I’m going to do about gifting this year. I still can’t believe it’s December already. I do think that we’re doing a Solstice something this year, Lucy and I. I’ll come up with something.