I have yet again lost several days due to my inability to focus on one task at a time. I will be sitting down today to work out a schedule because clearly I need more structure in my life. It was a fun weekend, though, complete with a playdate, an afternoon spent playing board games (we never finished, thank you Bubby, although I was $18 million in debt and well on my way to losing, it was great fun.) Lucy’s birthday celebration is set, favors ordered, menu planned. I’ve been reading extensively about ayurveda in my down time and am thoroughly fascinated by it. Good times.
It is finally not frigid and I am happy to not be sitting here in layers down to my socks. We made it without turning the heat back on (remember, we get tons of passive heat from two sides so it never gets dangerously cold in here) and even had the playdate without heaters. I am probably more pleased about this than I should be 🙂
I still have not implemented the menu plan (see paragraph one about routine) but here is the butternut squash with curried millet recipe for Jennifer. I’d swear that I’d do it this week but I don’t feel like lying to you this early in the year.
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I have been spending a lot of time since my last entry thinking about growing up. I don’t know if it’s my personality that makes me so eager to gain approval or if it’s because I was raised to believe that approval is the highest form of praise, but I have come to realize that I need very badly to deal with the fact that I just can’t please everybody, and it’s not a personal failing that I can’t. It’s a sad denouement, set into motion long ago and winding down almost pitifully for the amount of pain it has caused me over the years. It’s a curse, I think, when you lose someone close to you because you’re always left with the what-ifs or should-have-saids. I can’t live like that anymore, worrying about displeasing people, worrying about offending them by saying the wrong thing, always feeling as though the ultimate consequence of disagreeing could be the inevitable regret of time lost. Is this suitably cryptic? What it really means is that I have to grow up now, stop being the little girl afraid of doing and saying the wrong thing.
I could stop being overly dramatic as well but what fun would that be?